Cap'n Jack: "Well, then…since I be Lilliputian and stuck here for a while, I require certain things to keep me happy. And believe me, love, you don't want me unhappy. Savvy?"

Me: "…"

Cap'n Jack: "Firstly, I must have a steady supply of rum."

Me: "That'll be easy. You're so wee that you shouldn't go through that much."

Cap'n Jack: "You'd be surprised. Oh, and darlin', don't call a man 'wee'. It's very…disconcerting."

Me: "Hmm. And what else do you need."

Cap'n Jack: "First, the rum then let's have a think. Actually, bring me some paper and a quill. I know exactly what my next demand shall be."

Me: "Oh, dear…this is going to cost me, isn't it?"

Cap'n Jack: "Better break out the doubloons, love."